.grandma
Grandma screaming into a microphone on stage

LIVE AND LOUD · VENUE: YOUR MARKET · TOURING SINCE 2019

just another agency MARKETING AGENCY

We play loud and we count every ticket. Ads, search, content and automation — with numbers you can check, and not one promise we cannot measure.

BOOK THE BAND TOUR DATES

no backing track

TAPED TO THE STAGE FLOOR

Nine things we know how to play. You pick the order.

  1. FIND US OR DIESEO — for offers people can find
  2. PAY TO PLAYGoogle Ads with a clear job
  3. SCROLL SCROLL STOPMeta Ads — every test explains something
  4. ASK THE MACHINEAI Search — facts made easy to find
  5. WORDS THAT WORKContent marketing that answers buyers
  6. COUNT ITAnalytics for better decisions
  7. NO MASS MESSAGINGLinkedIn — B2B conversations, not spam
  8. ROBOTS DO THE DISHESAutomation & AI systems
  9. BUILT TO SELLWebsites & e-commerce

the rest is encore

Grandma playing a magenta Flying V guitar on stage

NINE SONGS. ZERO BACKING TRACK.

An older hand with silver rings turning an amplifier knob

VOLUME

EVERYTHING GOES
TO ELEVEN.

But volume without a counter is just noise. Here is what we actually recorded in client accounts.

  • ≈€0Orill sauna sales in six months
  • 0Google Search clicks for Ratner in 12 months
  • 0Articles published by automation in 202 days
  • 0German parking lots mapped for PILLAR

EVERY NUMBER CAME OUT OF AN ACCOUNT

  1. ORILL Premium saunas · DACH 200 saunas sold in six months · ≈€15,000 average order
  2. RATNER BEAUTY E-commerce · organic search 7.28M search impressions · 156,379 clicks in 12 months
  3. PILLAR Solar mounts · Meta 721 leads account-wide · 384 in the scaled 7-campaign cohort
  4. BETSA Sanierung · Google + Meta 287+78 Google Ads actions and Meta leads · 144 phone clicks
  5. CONTENT ENGINE Betsa + PILLAR · automation 1,222 WordPress articles in 202 days, no manual posting
  6. B2B AI SEARCH Visibility inside AI answers +320% AI visibility over 5 months — from invisible to cited
  7. LANDING ENGINE Betsa · page generation 15 landing pages in the first two test hours · ~3 min each
  8. JOCAR & PROCAR Car rental & auto service · conversations 1,650 conversations combined · from $1.93 per direct-response chat
Grandma crowd-surfing over an audience of men in suits

“She has seen every digital revolution. And outlived all of them.”

THE LINE-UP

Four rules we play by. Break one and you pay less.

NUMBERS OR SILENCE

No claim without a screenshot from the account. If we cannot measure it, we do not say it.

FAST AND LOUD

15 landing pages in two hours. 1,222 articles in 202 days. Automation does the grunt work, people make the decisions.

NO FAKE GUARANTEES

We do not promise a fixed cost per lead or profit. We promise verifiable signals and an honest post-mortem when something misses.

EVERYTHING IN WRITING

We do not book calls. Questions, teardowns, decisions — in writing, with numbers that stay on your desk. Three languages, one standard: the German market forgives an accent, never an inaccuracy.

Grandma backstage with a thermos cup and a printout

BACKSTAGE

The show is loud. The bookkeeping is not.

After the show, somebody has to count the tickets. We document the setup, test it, and show where every number came from. The boring part is the part you are paying for.

  • A measurement plan before the first euro of spend
  • One dated data snapshot a week, with its source
  • Account access stays yours — always
Close portrait of Grandma snarling at the camera

One email. We look at your accounts and write back what is actually happening — with the numbers, and even when the answer is “change nothing”. No calls: everything we tell you, you can read twice.

ADMIT ONE № 011
GRANDMA FREE TEARDOWN · IN WRITING hello@grandma.agency

keep the stub